I WAS VERY THRILLED when I learned that you are going "On-line." That will be extra super, as it means we can be "in touch" with Union Life instantly.

I find that, from time to time, it is not only essential but also very beneficial to take a hard look at yourself, to take stock of one's own life, to evaluate where one truly stands. It is a time to ask the question: "Does my life honestly reflect the indwelling Christ? Do I express Him in my daily activities, my behavior, my personality and my attitude? Do others see and detect the 'Other-ness' in me which I am supposed to reflect? Or, do I fake it? Do others only see the pious mask of my superficial 'keep smiling, make-believe all is well' self?

Recently, after reading a copy of Union Life, I decided it was time to take stock, to ask myself these questions. When I did, it was sobering to realize that I was falling immensely short. I was failing miserably on all counts. It really started to bother me, and triggered off a painful thinking process.

For years I have been proclaiming the overflowing, abundant life in Christ, a life which left little room for defeat, tears or seared emotions. In other words, a life devoid of most negative experiences in our daily living. But is that true? Am I, are we, just pretending? What ever happened to John's words: "I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly"? What about "joy unspeakable, full of glory," or "the peace of God, which passes all understanding"?

"Are these promises for real?" I wondered. Or are they only applicable when things go our way and we "feel" great? Are we in danger of becoming hypocrites, pretending something which we are not, something superficial, contrary to a true heart experience? I had to be honest with myself! A negative aspect always brings out the positive one. It's a universal law. Therefore, it is necessary for us to experience the "apparent negatives" to allow the Positive One -- who is at work in us and through us -- to take over and get us back on track.

In evaluating myself, I realized one great factor. I don't just reflect the joy which I was supposed to have.

Have I even lost it? Why am I always so sad and "unhappy"? What ingredient is missing to make me "happy"? (I hesitate to use this word because its root comes from the old Irish word "hap" which means "by chance.") We say something "happens," I am "happy" or "unhappy." This is, of course, not the nature of our walk in Christ. Gladness comes out of the inner core of our being. Gladness and joy do not depend on circumstances or situations, what people do or don't, say or think. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit.

To experience joy we must be joined to the One who is Joy. And it is here where most of us take a short cut. We just don't spend nearly enough time in intimate fellowship with the Father. He longs to tenderly wrap His arms around us to comfort and spoil us with His unfailing agape. Such love is foreign to most of us, even Christians. We would rather stay busy doing things for God -- trying to please Him and to work up to our own worthiness -- than being with God.

But aren't we worthy? No, not really! It is better to realize that only the Lamb of God is worthy to receive honor and glory. Our worthiness comes from the One who gave Himself for our worthlessness. To seek Him and abide in Him should therefore be our highest aim. But it seldom is! How can we know Him if we don't take time to be with Him! Our Father wants for us to be "as little children," coming to Him in utter trust and childlike helplessness and dependency as our "Daddy." We are weak because we don't experience "the joy of the Lord as our strength."

I vividly recall when our daughter was a little girl. We often played "silly games," such as me spinning her around. It always made me dizzy, but not her: she couldn't get enough, constantly begging for more. "Daddy, do it again. Oh, please, Daddy, don't stop. Let's do it again!" still rings in my ears.

Through this reflection, I came to realize that the lack of joy in my life comes from having become too serious, too "grown up." The "little boy" in my heart has been choked out. That's why I am having so little fun, so little enjoyment of the riches that are in Christ. His life is supposed to be spontaneous, and contagious! And of course it is! But I'm not letting it be in me!

No wonder that our Lord bids us become "like little children, for theirs is the kingdom of God." I, for my part, have determined to once again be consumed -- in childlike innocence -- by a love affair with my heavenly Daddy!